REPARATIONS

I deserve them.

And you have to pay them to me.

I don’t care that you haven’t done anything wrong.

You can afford it.

I see that nice house you live in, and that European car you drive.

I’m jealous of what you have.

I want it.

And I don’t want to have to work to earn it.

So I’ll whinge about ‘oppression’ and then invent 30,000 years of history.

Then 60,000.

Then 80,000.

The number will keep rising until you shut up and pay me.

And you’ll need to hand over your land, too.

I’ll do whatever I have to to take it from you.

I’ll use your courts and change your constitution.

I’ll use your system of parliament to my advantage.

I’ll make propaganda and guilt you if I have to.

And who cares if reparations is really just a code word for Marxist wealth redistribution.

I’ll make it a Thought Crime for you to say that out loud.

Even though it’s obvious that all I really want is to steal your money.

And did you know that if you commit a crime in North Korea they punish your entire bloodline?

This is exactly the type of communist totalitarianism that I’m into.

I want to make my mob Kim Jong Un.

You can be the peasants who are eating rats to survive.

So I dig into your past and find a crime from 1804. Or maybe it was 1908. Or 1976.

It doesn’t really matter.

All that matters is for that crime your family owes me 8% of its income.

In perpetuity.

I don’t care that you actually work for that money.

And want it to feed your family.

And need it to pay for your daughter’s dental surgery.

You’re going to pay it to me.

You can’t avoid it.

I shouldn’t have to work to survive.

I want permanent welfare.

Whoops, I mean, ‘reparations’.

And no, giving me free education, access to world-class health care, and free housing is not enough.

I can’t be bothered going to school, or hospital. 

And I keep ruining the houses that you build for me. I don’t really know how to look after them, to be honest.

Or maybe I just don’t want to.

But what I do want is to become your social superior. 

I want you to feel guilty every day when you wake up.

I want you to see money leaving your bank account and going to me every month.

I want you to suffer.

That’s the only thing that’ll make me happy.

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